


What's It Take To Make You Unravel

by negickapologist (neganstonguething)



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Close call, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 10:20:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12106611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neganstonguething/pseuds/negickapologist
Summary: Negan's interest in Rick is no secret. It never has been. But when that interest sparks curiosity and that curiosity leads to something else entirely, the water starts getting pretty damned hot.for jdm-easystreet on tumblr





	What's It Take To Make You Unravel

_There’s no getting out of this. Negan’s already done-for. His lungs aren’t even burning for air yet, but he’s sinking too low already. Even if he did resurface, it’d be to walkers swarming all around him, so it’s pointless. He’d rather drown than die getting bit by one of those stupid fuckers._

_Yeah…yeah, this is alright. Considering he has spent years living the literal end of the world, Negan figures dying this way is better than dying at the hands of the undead. And for a good reason, too. It’s worth it, so long as the asshole above the surface survives._

_The world needs that asshole, after all. Negan…they can live without him._

\--- --- --- --- ---

“That everything?” David pats the boxes that have all but filled up one of the trucks currently parked on the main street of Alexandria. He’s grinning over at Rick, who’s perched next to Negan, glaring daggers at him.

“That’s _half_ of everything.” Rick bites back.

“You know,” David’s still smiling, “I wish you’d watch that attitude of yours. Makes it real hard to be civil with you people when I’m just doing my job.”

Negan can tell Rick wants to say something, but he places a hand on the other man’s shoulder to put a stop to it before it gets out of hand.

To be honest, he likes Rick’s sharp tongue. He admires how even though Rick and his people have got the short end of the stick right now, he’s not afraid to say what he feels needs to be said. He’s been good about keeping his more harsh comments to himself in regard to Negan, but when it comes to the other Saviors, he hasn’t got a problem telling them where they should stick the things they have to say.

But for now, Negan figures Rick should reel it in. Pickup is nearly finished, and Negan isn’t about to stop a stray fist or two from flying if things get out of hand. And with how pretty Rick’s face is, that’d be a damn shame.

“Alright, that’s enough.” Negan insists. He doesn’t know who would win in a standoff between David and Rick, and it might be interesting to see the two start throwing punches, but not right now. “You asked a question and got a fucking answer, Davey. How’s about we leave the bullshit arguing at the door for now?”

David doesn’t look like he’s finished, but Negan knows he’s not stupid enough to keep going after being told not to. With a grunt of frustration, the obedient Savior steps back and closes the doors to the truck. He eyes Rick with some level of scrutiny before turning his focus back to Negan.

“Okay, Sir. Believe that’s the last of it, then.”

“Good boy.” Negan smirks, before waving with his free hand to the other trucks lined up ahead. “Rally everyone up. Simon and I’ll lead the way soon enough.”

This is how pickups have been going ever since Negan laid down the law on Alexandria. It’s been a few months now, and things are operating just as smoothly as ever. Every single time, someone in the community complains about how strapped for supplies they all are, but every single time, they somehow manage to provide exactly what Negan asks for. They’re reliable, albeit a whiny bunch.

Except for Rick. Rick just keeps his mouth shut and walks alongside Negan every time he shows up. He doesn’t smile, and he doesn’t offer drinks or food or anything of the like. He does as he’s told, and then he gets on with his day. Clearly, he doesn’t want any bigger dose of Negan than Negan cares to give.

Which is actually…kind of goddamn disappointing. The thing is, Negan _likes_ Rick. He likes being around him, and he likes pushing his buttons. A part of him kind of wishes Rick would push back. Negan almost… _almost_ regrets telling Rick to watch the way he looks at him, because now, Rick barely looks at him at all. If they’re confined to a room and the only person there is Negan, he might catch Rick staring him down, but that’s about all he’s gotten so far.

Negan wonders if maybe he should change something about that.

He wonders a lot of things when it comes to Rick Grimes. When he’d told the guy that he was special, he had meant it. And now, all that special is starting to wear off on Negan. He’s letting things slide without even realizing it. Letting Rick run his mouth to his Saviors, letting him make Negan think it’s a good idea to go somewhat easy on him.

It isn’t like he’s going to put a stop to collections, but damn if he doesn’t want to see Rick do a little more than just stare off into space and carry Lucille.

“You can stop that, you know.” Negan decides to observe. He glances sideways toward Rick, who raises both eyebrows but continues to stare ahead. Negan figures it’s because the guy knows he’s not going to be able to keep his expression in check if he makes eye contact. Smart guy.

“Stop what?” Rick questions flatly.

“Giving me the cold shoulder, of course.” Negan answers. “You know, Rick, I’m actually not a bad guy to carry on a fucking conversation with. You might have a little fun if you’d relax some.”

“Can’t.” Rick replies, just as dully as before.

“Yeah?” Negan cocks an eyebrow, faces Rick fully. “And why the hell not?”

“Got shit on my mind.”

Negan sighs. Of course he knows what shit Rick has on his mind. “Rick…okay, cut the crap, look at me. I’m talking to you.”

He watches as Rick pinches the bridge of his nose, then relaxes and turns to face Negan. Their eyes meet, and Rick tries his absolute best to avoid sneering angrily at him. Negan admires the effort.

Rick doesn’t say anything, so Negan continues. “You do realize this isn’t personal, right?”

“No.” Rick grumbles. “I don’t, Negan. It might not be personal for you, but it is for me.” He narrows his eyes. “My people are sufferin’ because of you.”

This isn’t the first time Negan’s heard that line. He’d gotten it from Jesus before, and in a more cowardly way from Gregory, and also from Benjamin and Ezekiel. This honestly isn’t the first instance where someone’s blamed him for pickups costing them food. And Negan can own that. But this is the new world order—this is how things are now. This is the way people survive, and the way his Saviors have enough to live on, themselves.

“You’re gonna have to deal with it, Rick.” Negan counters. “It’s a dog-eat-dog world. Hell, it was that fucking way before the world ended. It’s just worse now, and I happen to be the bigger dog. If I cut off pickups, my people suffer too.” He meets Rick’s eyes, having not realized he’d even averted his gaze. “Your people are your priority, right? That’s all I’m doing, myself—taking good goddamn care of my people.”

Rick turns his focus to the ground, and Negan notices the way he all-but glares at it. He knows Negan’s right to an extent. Hell, Negan knows his logic is a little skewed, but it isn’t like he can change it. This is just the way things are.

“We were doin’ fine before you came along.” Rick comments, and instantly, Negan can’t resist laughing.

“Don’t forget, Rick—you came along first.” Negan points out as his laughter dies away. “I found you because you killed a whole outpost of my men. You all but gave me directions to you and your people. You made this bed.”

This isn’t the best place to be carrying on this conversation, but nobody seems to be bothering to listen. The Saviors are hard at work clambering into trucks and loading the last few supplies up, and the Alexandrians are watching to make sure that’s all they do. It’s just as private as if Negan and Rick were talking behind closed doors.

“That’s not fair.” Rick tries, though he refuses to make eye contact. “You were takin’ from other communities. We thought we were helpin’ them. We were gonna trade with them, like _normal_ people do.”

Negan just shrugs. “Guess your half of the trade shouldn’t have been people’s lives, then.”

He can tell Rick’s getting angry, though, so Negan cuts it off there. Yeah, he feels like he’s speaking the truth, but his goal right now isn’t to rile anyone up. It’s to give Rick the right to open his mouth from time to time.

“Look,” Negan starts again, “I’m not trying to ruin your fucking day, here. I’m just being honest with you. What I was getting at is that I’m actually not a horrible conversationalist. We don’t have to be total enemies…fuck, you can consider us that way all you want, but everyone needs to sit back and let loose from time to time. It wouldn’t hurt to shoot the shit with me once in a while, y’know?”

For a moment, it appears as if Rick can’t believe what he’s hearing. But soon enough, he relents and turns his eyes back up to meet Negan’s. “Do you carry on like this with the other communities?”

“Nope.” Negan shrugs. “I like you, Rick. Wouldn’t mind if we got onto more friendly fucking terms, is all. Besides, I got guys handling the other communities. Yours is the one I pay special attention to.”

“Huh.” Rick scoffs. “Sure makes me feel special.”

There isn’t much to talk about after that. And by the time Rick’s gotten out that last sarcastic line, everyone’s waiting on Negan. He decides it’s a damn good time to take his leave. So with that, he bids Rick a warm goodbye, ignoring the fact that Rick doesn’t exactly return the favor, and hops into the leading truck.

\--- --- --- --- ---

A week later, Negan is back for yet another pickup.

Rick’s smart. Most of the time, Negan shows up to everything all stacked up and ready for him. Negan and the Saviors spend some time going through the supplies and deciding what they want, and once they’re done taking, Negan lets the Alexandrians load everything else back up into the armory and pantry. Rick usually keeps his comments to himself, lets Negan take what he wants, and then waits for the Saviors to take their leave.

But this time, Rick actually intervenes. Laura is in the middle of going through items stacked in the middle of the street, when Rick apparently spots something he doesn’t have the heart to let go of. Laura’s got an armful of things ranging from canned foods to clothes, and as she uses her remaining hand to grab a box of cinnamon Chex, Rick steps in.

“Look,” He starts, “I don’t ask for much from you guys, but that cereal…that’s my daughter’s favorite. She’s a toddler, and she doesn’t ask for much. Can you not take it…please?”

Negan knows the kid Rick’s talking about. Little Judith, with her soft, wavy blonde hair and big blue eyes. She’s quiet for someone her age, and honestly, the thought of a child in today’s world getting so excited about a flavor of cereal…that’s the sweetest thing Negan’s entertained in his mind in a long-ass time. He’d be downright cruel to turn Rick’s request down.

Laura doesn’t seem to agree. “Why’d you put it in the pile, then?”

“I didn’t see it. I had others helpin’ me on these runs.” Rick says. “Besides, if one of you found out I hid somethin’, I’d have you people searchin’ houses again.”

When Laura opens her mouth to speak again, Negan raises his hand in an attempt to silence her. “Hush it for a second. He’s got a point, Laura. He did the right thing. I think we can let him keep one fucking box of cereal. Hell, I think I’ve got more back at the Sanctuary in that flavor.”

It’s a shitty idea to bring Rick to the Sanctuary. He can only imagine the negative reactions people are going to have. Hell, the way they reacted to Carl willingly bringing himself along was unpleasant enough. How would asking Rick go?

But he makes the offer anyway.

“You should come with us today—see what my humble abode’s like.” Negan suggests. He ignores the look of surprise on Rick’s face. “There’s a lot to see, it’ll be worth your time. And we’ll see if we got any more of your girl’s choice fucking cereal while we’re at it, yeah?”

Both Laura and Rick look confused now. But Rick is the one to speak up. “…Why?”

Negan shrugs. “Why the fuck not? All this coming to visit you every week shit is getting a little boring. Let’s make things interesting.”

Rick stares at Negan like he’s started sprouting a second head. “…Interesting.” Clearly, he wants to know what Negan’s angle is. And the thing is, he doesn’t _have_ an angle. There’s no ulterior motive here. Negan just wants to hang out with Rick, find out what kind of guy he is, shoot the shit with him. Believe it or not, he’s actually interested in getting on a friendly basis with Rick.

“That’s all you got?” Negan scoffs. “ _Interesting?_ Come the fuck on, Rick. Live a little. Let’s go have some fun.”

Negan hasn’t gotten to see it yet, but somewhere deep down, he knows Rick isn’t all no-nonsense. There’s a part of this guy who likes to have fun, and who smiles at jokes and probably tells really fucking stupid ones himself. Negan wants to meet that guy, and he wants to bullshit with him a little.

Perhaps it’s a little too much to ask to be on a friendly basis with Rick, but Negan’s still going to try.

At the very least, Rick seems to be pondering Negan’s offer. He doesn’t look one hundred percent convinced that he _wants_ to go, but when he meets Negan’s gaze with those pretty-as-fuck pale blues again, Negan knows he’s going to get his way.

“Fine.” Rick answers. “Sure hope we’re comin’ back with cereal for my daughter, though. Just let me tell someone where I’m goin’.”

\--- --- --- --- ---

The two months following that conversation are like the hills on a rollercoaster. Rick is hard-headed and firm in his belief that befriending Negan is the wrong thing to do. Negan doesn’t spend a long time trying to earn his friendship, either. It gets frustrating after a while, and while Negan probably deserves some of the harsh words Rick chooses to volley his way, he’s not well-known for patience.

He likes Rick, and he likes being in his company, but Negan knows a losing battle when he sees one.

So he quickly ascends past friendly leader and makes his way back up to asshole leader who needs to return his focus to keeping Rick and his people in line.

What Rick doesn’t realize is that pickups can’t just _stop._ That isn’t how things work. If Negan were to stop collecting from Alexandria, the word would undoubtedly reach Hilltop and the Kingdom, and not only would they be questioning why Negan was playing favorites, but his Saviors would start to wonder. The downside to being in charge of such a large network of people is that Negan has to be careful with what he does and doesn’t do. It’s not impossible for him to find himself face-to-face with a revolt. Most of the residents of the Sanctuary are loyal to Negan, but he knows he’s made a few enemies in the process of his harsh rule.

In the end, he and Rick soon find themselves right back at square one. Rick’s back to staring straight ahead while he carries Lucille and Negan fawns over him and the supplies he’s picking up in the process. He curls an arm around Rick’s shoulders, praises him, tells him how goddamn _pretty_ he is, but Rick is still that rigid, quiet man he was before.

It gets to the point that Negan actually contemplates taking Rick on another RV trip. But even he knows how strange and erratic that is. Negan isn’t stupid enough to think that Rick’s going to look at him and thank him for sparing the rest of his people. It makes sense that Rick’s angry about all Negan has taken and is taking from him. He can’t expect the man to be friendly and pleasant with him. Not like Gregory.

The difference is, Rick isn’t a coward. Rick is a loyal man, doing whatever it takes to protect his people, and if that means being civil with Negan, he’s going to do that. But he’s not going to risk his dignity and cause distrust between himself and his community by acting friendly with Negan. He wants to make sure Negan knows damn well where he stands in his eyes.

And that’s one of the many things Negan admires about him.

It’s part of why he keeps himself in Rick’s presence, and why he lives with the fact that he’s just going to have to keep being an asshole to the guy for now. Maybe one day, Rick will understand. Or at the very least, learn to swallow that hate of his a little down deeper into his gut and try to make the best of what’s undoubtedly a shitty situation for him.

At the end of the second month, Negan decides he’s done just coming by for pickups. Nothing seems to have changed, and if he’s being honest, he’s getting a little bit bored. The returns coming from runs have been decent lately, and there hasn’t been so much as a single complaint from anyone—save for the piercing glare of one Rosita Espinosa, but Negan’s used to that at this point.

He suggests another excursion to Rick—decides he wants to take that trusty RV of his for a run. If they come up with good enough spoils this time, Rick can keep more than half of them. Negan hasn’t decided just _how_ much more than half, but hey, Rick’s smart enough to know that beggars can’t be choosers, right?

Of course he is. And that’s why he goes along when Negan tells him to. It’s a simple run, really. Since it’s just the two of them, Negan doesn’t care to spend more than a couple of days out scavenging, and he doesn’t plan on going too far out, either. Doing so might just mean not too great spoils from the run, but that’s alright. Negan will cross that bridge when he gets to it.

He and Rick pack just enough supplies to get them through a couple of days of travel, and then they climb into the RV and they’re off.

Not unexpectedly, the initial portion of the trip is quiet. Rick is predictably silent and unwilling to carry on conversation. Negan tries poking fun, a la “This brings back memories, huh?”, but all it earns him is a sharp glare and Rick deciding he’s going to retire to the bathroom. Negan shrugs it off, though. Going on this run, he kind of expects a little negativity. And even Negan knows he’s pushing buttons.

Not that it’s going to stop him. At this point, he’ll take any response. Even a harsh or violent one.

That thought sticks with Negan throughout the initial duration of their run. He finds himself pushing more and more, taking in the sight of Rick’s harsh stare like a thirsty straggler, wishing Rick would just _get pissed off already_ and do something that would make this trip way more interesting than it’s been so far.

He talks about Rick’s children, and about Michonne, and about how Daryl’s holed up in a cell and only sees the light of day for a few hours. He pushes and pushes and nags and digs until he absolutely knows Rick can’t take anymore, and when Rick finally explodes, it’s _glorious_.

“Pull over.” Rick demands in a voice so gravelly and angry that Negan has absolutely no problem complying. In a handful of seconds, he’s got the RV at a complete stop, and just as he’s wrenching it into park, there’s something around his throat.

Rick’s strong. That’s the first thing Negan notices. The second is that the material around his neck is his very own bandana, which he’d abandoned on the table before he’d started driving. Looking back on it, he figures that was a rookie mistake.

“I could kill you right now.” Rick seethes, and judging by the way he tugs the red material more tightly around Negan’s throat, Negan figures he’s serious. It’s painful and the Sanctuary leader can’t get in so much as a single puff of air. On instinct, he catches himself grappling at Rick’s wrists in an attempt to pry himself free. Believe it or not, he’s actually kind of scared. “But I don’t know what your people will do to mine back at home if I do that. But don’t think for a _second_ I’m okay with you talkin’ to me like this. If we’re goin’ on this run together, we’re gonna be fuckin’ _adults_ about it, Negan.”

And then he releases both the cloth and Negan and steps back. As Negan wheels around and propels himself out of the chair, a little dizzy from the lack of oxygen, he sees Rick is still standing, glaring fiercely at him in the process.

“No more bullshit.” Rick finishes. “You didn’t take me on this trip to antagonize me. And if you did, you’re makin’ a big mistake.”

Negan wonders how long those words have been biting at the back of Rick’s throat. He knows he deserves them with all the pushing he’s done, and even though he hadn’t been expecting to get choked, it’s still kind of exciting that Rick had taken it to that level.

The stern look on Rick’s face is wavering now, though. Clearly, he’s been trying not to react the way he just did, and now that he realizes he’s let his anger get the best of him, he’s feeling some regret. Still, he doesn’t apologize. Negan watches him go from uncertain to steely all over again, as his blue eyes meet his leader’s dark ones.

Negan isn’t sure how to react, honestly. Rick is refusing to back down, even if he’s stopped being a fucking sassafras about it. It lights up the kindling part of him that has wanted to knock Rick back down a few pegs, but at the same time, maybe it’s a little too early into the trip to go about doing just that. Negan really doesn’t care to have Rick sucking himself back into that little shell he’s been so good about hiding in ever since his family got threatened. That obedient Rick is pleasant, but it’s getting a little boring.

Believe it or not, Negan likes the feisty Rick that just throttled him in the driver’s seat. He kind of wants to see just how much farther he can bring this guy to the edge of his sanity. It’s a twisted game, but so is the whole end of the fucking world.

So he just laughs. Negan’s a master of the loud, barking laugh that he uses as an intimidation tactic more than anything else. He chortles right in front of Rick and delights in the confusion on the other man’s face. Rick isn’t sure how to process Negan’s reaction, so he’s gawking like a deer in the fucking headlights.

“God _damn_ , you get this fire in you when I fuck with the people you love, Rick.” Negan announces. “You’re a good man, you know that?” Licking his lips, he nods back to the driver’s seat. “Don’t ever change.”

He doesn’t care that he’s rendered his accomplice speechless, or that Rick is beyond words for the last handful of miles they have to drive toward their campsite. It’s pretty damn entertaining to look up into the rearview mirror and see Rick deep in contemplation one moment, glancing back in the mirror at Negan the next, and then scratching his head seconds after that. Rick clearly doesn’t know what to do with Negan.

Negan likes keeping him on a thread like that.

Their campsite is almost entirely surrounded by lake water. One giant protrusion of land leads out to the water, large enough for the RV to make it out onto it, with plenty of space for a fire. It’s difficult for the walkers to make their way out to without being picked off one by one, and the most challenging part about the whole trip will probably be just getting whatever supplies they find while searching back out onto the land if they do happen to get swarmed in the process.

But Negan’s been out here before. It’s been a while, and there’s still plenty to explore, but he actually likes this area. Rick, ever the perceptive hunter the end of the world has conditioned him into, seems to see the benefits too. Negan can see his eyes picking apart the surroundings as he looks around.

“If the water’s not infested with walkers, we can try to catch fish. Haven’t had fish in a long time.” Rick observes, before he tips his head up and scans the further parts of the scenery. “Got lots of trees all around us—could be good for huntin’. Not much for civilization, though. Doubt we’re gonna find anything when it comes to supplies.”

Negan raises an eyebrow. “You’ll figure something out, Rick.”

He’s looking down into the water, but he can feel Rick’s icy stare on him now.

“You picked this site, Negan.” Rick points out bitterly. “Knew exactly where it was. You could help out.”

Negan just shrugs. “I’m not the one trying to make a good impression. You’re supposed to show me you deserve more than half of what we find here, Rick.”

He doesn’t have to look at Rick to know that pisses him off again. He can just about feel the heat emanating from Rick’s demeanor. Still, he doesn’t look up. He instead turns and climbs back into the RV. If they’re going to go looking around, they’re going to need weapons and something to carry supplies in.

\--- --- --- --- ---

Rick snaps again late that night. He and Negan are still knees deep in a search for something useful. He’s dead set on finding something that housed human life before the world ended. Keeps going on about a cabin or a house in the woods or something. But with the only roads being manmade walking trails,  that look as if they haven’t been touched in forever, Negan knows it’s likely not going to happen. Hell, Rick probably knows, too.

And now, it’s dark and cold, and other than setting a trap here and there, they’ve got a whole lot of nothing to speak for. Even Negan’s starting to get a little irritated. Rick’s beyond that. He’s refusing to make eye contact, and most of his focus is on the ground or the surroundings.

“It’s like no one’s been through here in years.” Rick observes aloud. “Thought you said you’d been here before.”

“I have.” Negan answers simply. “Just never went this way. My men and I didn’t come searching for a fucking cabin, Rick. We were looking for places that hadn’t been overrun, yet. _That’s_ the mistake your ass is making, here.”

“So tell me what you think we should do, then.” Rick growls from his spot next to Negan as he rips a stray patch of weeds out of the barely-visible dirt.

“You already know what I’m gonna say to that—”

Negan doesn’t get a chance to finish his response. The very instant Rick realizes he’s not getting a helpful answer from Negan, he’s on him like stink on shit. It starts with a fist to the side of the face, and in an instant after that, Rick’s got Negan by the lapels of his jacket and is shoving him harshly up against the bark of a tree.

“We are out in the middle of _nowhere_ , Negan.” Rick hisses through gritted teeth. “We’ve found a whole lot of goddamn _nothin’_ , and you’re still playin’ games. Cut the _shit_ , will you!?”

Negan shoves Rick back. His jaw hurts from the punch, and even though he knows he earned it, he punches back. Sends Rick reeling back a few steps.

“Maybe if you’d listened to me before, we wouldn’t be out here this late.” Negan says. “I told you there wasn’t shit in the vein of housing, fuckass.”

“Oh, shut your goddamn mouth.” Rick rolls his eyes. “You told me I had to look around because you’re apparently too fuckin’ immature to realize that it’s not about you bein’ the boss out here. We work _together_ , Negan, or we _die._ ”

The words stop there. From that point, it’s a flurry of fists on faces and stomachs and balled up in clothing. The two men grunt and roar at one another as they shove each other around, knock one another to the ground. Negan’s got grass and weeds in his hair and clothes and blood on his face, but he still fights back. He and Rick grapple clear until they’re both too exhausted to do much of anything, and then find themselves on the ground amidst the patches of grass Rick has managed to clear out a path for them in. They’re panting, angry and exhausted, and aside from their labored breathing, they’ve fallen completely silent.

The minutes drag on until nearly half an hour has passed. Rick sighs, pushes himself to his feet, and then moves to stand in front of Negan. He offers out a hand.

“…I needed that.” He announces, and when Negan looks up and actually sees the guy _smiling_ , he’s not sure how to react. Here the two of them had just gotten into a fight, and Rick’s grinning? Really?

“…Did I knock a few fucking screws loose or something, Rick?” Negan questions. “Typically, people don’t go shaking their enemies’ goddamn hands after a scuffle.”

Rick just shrugs. “You pissed me off, I took it out on you. I feel better now.” Negan can tell he’s still not pleased by the idea of being on this expedition alone with the very guy who’s been shitting on his day for months straight, but at least he’s being civil. Negan can admire that.

He does admire Rick, actually.

Negan takes his hand and stands up. “Right, okay. Can’t say I one hundred fucking percent get it, but it’s your sanity or lack thereof, not mine. But for the love of all that’s not night crawlers and june bugs, can we get the fuck back to camp?”

Rick thinks about it for a few moments, before he nods. “Yeah, we’re not gettin’ anywhere tonight.”

“’Atta boy.” Negan praises, ignoring the way Rick rolls his eyes.

They were both smart enough to pack enough food to sustain them until they actually found something, so they aren’t completely out of luck. It’s freezing out, so while Rick makes a campfire, Negan digs a couple of cans of veggies and beans out of their supply and sets them atop a makeshift pan to warm them over the fire. They take a seat on the ground a few feet away from the fire.

Even Negan himself can get behind some quiet time, now. After his little fist fight with Rick, he’s content just reflecting on everything that’s happened, and with mouthful after mouthful of corn keeping him from speaking, Rick seems to delight in the silence as well.

Oddly enough though, Rick’s the first one to break said silence.

“Why’d you let me keep that cereal?”

They both know what Rick’s talking about. Negan hasn’t forgotten that he’d let Rick talk Laura out of taking the cinnamon Chex he’d claimed his daughter liked so much, and he also vividly recalls dragging the guy to the Sanctuary that night so that he could show him around and reward him with more. In the end, Rick came home with two more boxes of his daughter’s favorite breakfast.

“Why not?” Negan asks simply. His face hurts, but he knows he looks downright soft by comparison to his usual demeanor. Believe it or not, Negan isn’t a total asshole. “Your kid shouldn’t have to suffer because you all are. I can’t wish anything against a little girl.”

Rick seems flattered by the words, but soon enough, he’s shaking his head. “Didn’t stop you from almost takin’ my son’s arm off. He’s still a kid, too.”

“Yeah, and a damn reckless one.” Negan replies. “I did that to prove a point, and he _still_ tried to sneak in after that.”

“I know.” Rick actually laughs then. It’s a soft, husky laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. “He gets that from me.”

“I can’t believe you just said that.” Negan snorts. “But you’re probably right. Your son gets a few more years on him, and he’ll be making all the big fucking decisions like you, too. I treat him like an adult because he thinks he’s one.” He feels Rick’s gaze shifting toward him. “He’s bound and determined to do his part for you people, no matter how goddamn difficult some of you fuckers are. He thinks he’s doing the right thing.”

“He _is_ doin’ the right thing.” Rick nods. “He’s just gotta work on his execution a little better. A couple better choices and he may have had somethin’ started at your Sanctuary.”

“True that.” Negan smirks. “Be proud of your boy, Rick.”

“I am.” Rick leans over, elbows Negan a little, and then when they both realize what he’d just done, he pulls back and clears his throat. “Anyway, I’m goin’ to bed. I got lost time to make up for in the mornin’.”

Negan watches him climb back up into the RV, whistles to himself, and then extends his hands a little closer to the fire. He’s going to have to tuck in for the night soon, too.

\--- --- --- --- ---

In retrospect, that night was probably what got the ball rolling between Negan and Rick. One run together, one that ended up profitable when Rick happened upon a small shack the next day, eventually turned into two, and then soon enough, the two were going on trips regularly. Negan figures Rick made the decision to do so under the impression that he’d continue to get to keep more supplies, but in the process, he relaxed considerably more around Negan. A couple more months in, they were retiring to the Sanctuary after runs and returning to Alexandria the next day.

For the most part, things go pretty normally. Rick and Negan plan every so often to go on runs, and once he ensures that his children and his people are free from any Savior-related harm, the two venture out. Negan is true to his word every time, and honest about whether or not he can offer Rick the same benefits of traveling with him. Sometimes, it’s weeks before they can go on a run together, because Negan’s actually a damn busy man with the Sanctuary under his belt. He’s upfront about all of it to Rick, and Rick seems to appreciate and understand this.

It’s when Rick catches himself protecting Negan that things get strange. If Negan were to die by accident, the reaction from the Saviors might be different. Rick and Alexandria would still be in trouble, but at the same time, they all know how honest Rick is and would take that to heart when deciding what to do with him and his people.

But on one particularly adventurous run to a strip mall on the outskirts of an old town, they run into another group of survivors—too many for them to take on by themselves. They keep their distance until they can decide what to do, and in the process, get spotted and consequently find themselves under fire.

What Rick does is downright stupid. He could have probably just shot the man with the gun pointed at Negan down before he fired, but instead, he fires at another guy, dives forward, and shoves Negan out of the man’s sights. Neither of them are injured, but Negan and Rick are both shocked. Negan hits the ground on his ass, and once Rick shoots his assailant down and yanks Negan back up into the RV so they can get the hell out of dodge, Negan finds himself gaping at Rick.

He doesn’t have it in him to ask. Rick will probably pop off with something stupid like “If you die, they’ll think I killed you”, or “I can’t go on a run by myself, just two of us is tough enough”. They’re both perfectly logical answers, and that’s part of why Negan can’t bring himself to ask. He actually likes the idea of Rick pulling such a bold move with protection in mind. He wants to think that Rick legitimately cared about his well-being.

It’s textbook denial, but Negan can live with that. There’s a lot he’s in denial about, anyway. Lucille is a shining example, even if he’s not going to allow himself to think about that again tonight.

Either way, he eventually puts his shock aside and sits down in the passenger’s seat next to Rick. Not unlike Negan, Rick seems to be deep in thought. He’s got a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, and his entire face is scrunched up with the tension of their narrow escape.

“…There’s a chance they’re followin’ us.” Rick thinks aloud after a few moments, and Negan knows he’s in too deep when his immediate thought afterward is how he’s never going to let those bastards get their hands on Rick.

It’s all downhill from there. Negan doesn’t show back up in Alexandria for two and a half weeks, and when he does show up again, it’s with more Saviors than usual. His pickup is a regular one this time around, and during the course of it, he calls a meeting with Rick. A private one.

In the house, he talks to Rick like an equal. Even though it’s hypocritical with him taking from Rick out in the streets right now, he regards him like a normal person. Like a teammate or a partner, rather than the guy he’s bossing around.

He knows he’s doing it, too.

“We’ve got to do something about those fuckers who attacked us on our last run.” He says quickly and bluntly. Rick looks a little surprised by his words, but he also seems to understand.

“You’re worried about them?” Rick questions. “We killed two of them, and there weren’t many left.”

“You said it yourself.” Negan starts with a shrug. “There’s a chance they followed us. I just want to make sure we’ve got our ducks in a row so shit doesn’t hit the fan.”

“I don’t think we’ve got much to worry about.” Rick shrugs. “And if they took off after us, they’re not gonna be where we found them. To be honest, they looked like they were just passin’ through too. So what do you want to do?”

“I think we need to go out there and find them.” Negan answers. “Take a few more people this time around, figure out if these guys will play nice, and decide what to do with them.”

“I don’t think they’re friendly, Negan.” Rick deadpans. “They opened fire on us and we hadn’t done anything to them. If they’re leavin’ us alone, we should do the same.”

“Doesn’t sit well with me, Rick.” Negan shakes his head. “I got people stationed around that route. People like them could be people like you and go off killing an entire outpost of my men.”

Those words hit hard for Rick, who glares up at Negan upon hearing them. “…Fine, okay. You want your security run? You’ve got it.”

Rick has a lot on his plate. Negan understands why he doesn’t want to add this to his list. He’s still trying to come up with collections for Negan, ever the loyal community leader that he is, and on top of that, Negan’s been taking him on trips pretty regularly. This one’s a little more stressful too, since the risk of death goes up more when you’re dealing with actual people.

Rick insists upon taking both Saviors and Alexandrians with him. Michonne and Aaron are clear choices of his, and Negan takes Simon and Arat along as well. They take two vehicles, in hopes that their assailants won’t see the RV and assume they’re under fire. Negan still has a decent amount of hope that he can make these people new Saviors. Had he seen a couple of guys lurking around a place he’d just discovered, he’d probably be compelled to open fire, too.

 Not unexpectedly though, they end up finding a whole lot of nothing. They keep their eyes peeled, making frequent stops to scout the area, all the way to the very strip mall they’d met their new enemies at. Michonne voices how much of a waste of time this was, and makes it very clear to Negan that they could have been utilizing this time for a run, to which Negan responds in earnest.

“Well, if they’re not here, then we can poke around for supplies while we’re in the area.”

They split off into groups, with Michonne and Aaron working together, Simon and Arat in another pair, and Negan and Rick searching their own area. They each pick a store, and after Negan and Rick instruct them all to stay on their toes, they venture off.

The stores have been mostly picked through. The one Rick and Negan chose is an old pet supply store, so they both go into the situation knowing full-well that they aren’t going to find much. Despite that, they take what they can get. Leashes and dog toys don’t seem like much to the naked eye, but when you’re looking for things to string walkers up on or loud objects to distract them with, this place is a gold mine.

They damn near clean the racks of all the supplies, and Rick reluctantly scoops up the cans of dog food and the baked goods. Things like home-baked dog cookies might be edible if measures get truly desperate.

But when Negan catches Rick doing this, he swats them out of his hand like they’re poisoned. Rick’s face immediately washes over with shock, and those big blue eyes of his turn up to look at Negan as if he’d just been scolded for getting into something he shouldn’t have.

And goddamn, does he look beautiful like that. His eyes are wide, mouth hanging open just slightly, and his hands still grasp at the air like the dog foods are still in them. He’s truly taken aback by what just happened, and he looks cute as fuck staring up at Negan right now. For a moment, the sight renders Negan speechless.

Of course, Rick notices. And when he does, that adorable look of astonishment fades and gives way to one of perplexity. Like a dog who might have enjoyed the food he was holding a few seconds ago, Rick cocks his head to the side, and Negan can practically see his ears perking up in curiosity.

“Negan? What’s wrong?”

_Oh, nothing, you just look goddamn perfect right the fuck now._

Negan’s an honest guy. It’s rare he ever has a problem telling things how they are to anyone. So why he can’t just outright admit to Rick that he’s fucking melting over him right now is beyond him. But he can’t, so he just…comes up with something else.

“Just, uh, a knee-jerk reaction to knock that shit out of your hands. Sorry, Rick.”

Rick’s smart, though. And he and Negan have been around one another enough at this point for him to know better. Hell, they’ve worked together on runs so much that they operate like a team, just the two of them. It’s no surprise Rick’s reading him like a book right now.

And he actually _smirks_. “A knee-jerk reaction, Negan. That the best answer you’ve got?”

Negan doesn’t quite know what to do with this Rick. The very Rick he’d been hoping for a handful of months ago, and now that Negan has him, he’s clueless as to how he should handle him. And he’s starting to realize that a little crush is not quite what he’s got right now.

He’s falling fast.

“Yeah,” he chokes, before he clears his throat and steels himself, “that’s my story, Rick, and I’m fucking sticking to it. Got a problem with that?”

“Nope.” Rick smiles, adjusts the gym bag full of leashes, bowls, and dog toys on his shoulder a little, and rests his hands on his hips. He’s got his eyes closed, looking all self-satisfied, and at the same time that Negan’s chest burns with frustration and embarrassment, his stomach is rolling with excitement and something akin to longing. “I’ll take it. You didn’t want me to resort to eatin’ dog food. Means you’re gonna do somethin’ about it.”

“Does it, now?” Negan raises both eyebrows. “You’re telling me you know exactly why the fuck I put a stop to you taking that shit, then. How do you know I didn’t need it back home?”

“Because you’d just take it from me, that’s why.” Despite himself, Rick kneels, scoops the items up, and offers them out to Negan. When he looks back up at the taller man, Rick’s expression is soft and somewhere in the vein of appreciative. “You know, a month ago, I’d have thought you’d leave me with the dog food and take everything else. But I’m not so sure anymore.” He claps Negan on the arm, then turns and heads for the door. “I think we’re done here.”

And that’s when Negan realizes he’s actually getting what he’d wanted from the start.

He learns two weeks later that Rick is aware of it, too. By now, any worries he has about other survivors attacking them are long gone. It seems as if the men have ventured down their own path and left Negan and Rick alone. Today, they’re in Alexandria. Negan’s arrived for a scheduled pickup, and even though Rick is still visibly not happy with the whole thing, he’s significantly more relaxed than he had been at the beginning. He gets his opinions in through little jabs that nag well at the back of Negan’s mind. He attempts to guilt him, and it actually works on most occasions.

Not that Negan’s going to back down, but the fact of the matter is that Rick’s getting through to him.

Either way, they’re sitting on the steps on Rick’s porch. Rick’s rolling Lucille back and forth in his hand as he stares and takes all her curves and edges in. Negan thinks he looks damn fascinated, but who wouldn’t be? Lucille’s a fucking work of art, after all.

It’s then that he speaks up, though. While wielding Lucille like he’s about to turn around and murder Negan, Rick opens his mouth.

“I can’t stand you.” He thinks aloud, and even though his eyes are on Negan’s trusty vampire bat, he knows the other man is referring to him and not his weapon. He deserves every single syllable of them too. He knows this, but that doesn’t make taking it sting any less. Especially in light of recent realizations.

“Yeah?” Negan scoffs. “I had no idea.”

Rick just shrugs and shakes his head, as if to say ‘I’m not done’. “I don’t hate you, though. It’s tough to explain. You’re still the guy who’s takin’ shit from me and my family. You’re still an asshole, and I’ve learned that you’re never gonna shut your mouth. And I’m _supposed_ to want you dead.”

At that moment, Rick lifts Lucille by her handle and props her up between himself and Negan. Their eyes meet and he shakes his head.

“But what do I do when I _don’t_ want you dead?”

\--- --- --- --- ---

Negan doesn’t remember how he answered that question. He’s pretty sure it was something cheesy and self-indulgent about how Rick just _deals with it_ , but a lot has happened since then. A lot of runs, and a lot of close calls. A metric fuckton of pickups, and even a few nights staying up late, walking around Alexandria and bullshitting together.

Moments that make Negan’s decision to put his life on the line for Rick today okay.

He’d have never imagined those rogue survivors would pop back up. Their goal was never revenge. Negan and Rick had just _happened_ upon them again. As per usual, they had gotten their hands full, and things had gotten desperate. He and Rick had gotten separated by half of a body of water—the very lake where he’d taken Rick on his first ever run. With Rick perched atop the RV and opening fire the best he could and Negan hiding in a nearby patch of trees picking off the ones he could reach, they’d almost had it in the bag.

And then one asshole had managed to get up onto the RV behind Rick.

Negan doesn’t remember ever having moved so fast in his entire life. He’d hit the ground hard from the tree branch he’d been hiding on and done something to his ankle, but he hadn’t had time to worry about it. It was a matter of sprinting across the land until he was out on the patch where Rick and the RV were and having it out against the man currently fist fighting with Rick.

He remembers prying the jackass off of Rick’s arms and shoulders and laying into him. He was doing a pretty damn good job of letting him know how he felt about what was going on. It was starting to look like he and Rick, just the two of them, were taking the upper hand.

But then the RV door slammed shut. Rick dropped on instinct and grabbed hold of the nearest low-lying rail on the roof, ready to hold on for whatever ride they were about to be taken on. Negan, still currently engaged in fighting Rick’s former assailant, didn’t react as quickly. Before he could get his bearings, the RV lurched forward, speeding the short distance toward the water, before it slammed on its brakes right at the edge and sent Negan surging forward. He toppled over the vehicle, hit the front of it hard enough that he heard his arm snap, and before he knew what had happened, he was in the water.

But he hadn’t gone down without taking the man he’d been fighting with him.

Negan can’t swim at this point. One arm is completely broken and the other leg is swollen from his fall and the mad dash on it afterward. So he sinks. He catches a glimpse of the man who fell in with him, and even underwater, he can tell the guy is long dead. Faintly, he can hear Rick screaming his name. A gunshot follows, and then Negan’s name again.

Negan trusts that Rick’s the one who opened fire, and as he turns his head up to catch a glimpse of the surface, he smirks. The sun’s beaming down through the water, peering right at him. The rays are warm and welcoming, and as Negan lets his eyes fall shut, he entertains the thought that it literally only took one good act atop a whole army of bad ones to go to heaven.

\--- --- --- --- ---

Dying feels strange, and it takes way longer than Negan is prepared for. There’s a lot of blackness, and a sensation of semi-existence. For a moment, he wonders if he’s a ghost. Is this what it feels like to be wandering around in the afterlife? Can he really not see shit? Is he haunting the lake, or the Sanctuary? Alexandria? Hell, even the hospital where he lost Lucille?

He can’t see anything, but he knows it’s dark. When he tries to move his limbs, they feel heavy. Dying should make them feel lighter, right? Then again, who in the fuck is Negan to try and decide what dying feels like if this is only the first time he’s done it?

He tries to open his eyes, but they already feel like they’re open. It’s cold, and then it’s warm again, and there’s the sensation that he’s still got a body somehow.

And then, there are voices. A voice. Rick’s voice. It’s muffled, like Negan’s hearing it from underground. Is he being buried right now? It sure sounds like it.

But the voice gradually becomes more clear, and Negan starts to feel consciousness encircling him. Like he isn’t dead. Or perhaps like he’s coming back to life somewhere else. As he wills himself to come to fully, he prays for somewhere with technology. How long has it been since he drove a car that operated on gas he didn’t have to scavenge from elsewhere?

“ _Negan._ ” There it is again. Rick’s voice. Saying his name, but this time more clearly. He’s hoarse, as if he’s been doing a lot of talking and Negan’s only just now hearing it. “ _Negan, wake up. C’mon, don’t do this to me._ ”

He sounds desperate and tired, and even Negan’s cold heart bleeds a little upon hearing the sound. His arms feel heavy, but he can at least move one of them. The first contact he makes is his hand upon his forehead. His right hand. The left sears painfully from the injury he remembers sustaining during his fall into the water.

He’s finally able to open his eyes, and when he does so, he sees a few things. First and foremost, Rick’s face. He’s soaking wet, his curls more pronounced from the moisture. His eyes are wide…and does he look frightened? His mouth, hanging open, twists upward into a grin, and he lets out a breathy laugh.

“...Shit, shit, shit, you’re okay.”

The other few things—the ceiling of what he’s guessing is the RV, the glare of the sun peering in through the one window in the middle portion of the RV—go unnoticed when Negan hears those words.

Negan doesn’t have to spend much time processing that he’s alive, because pain sets in pretty quickly. His left arm is shot to hell, and his right leg feels like it’s ten times bigger than usual. His body is suddenly extremely hot and in pain, and there’s also a very much alive Rick Grimes hovering over him.

A Rick Grimes who looks elated that Negan’s not dead. Not once did Negan think he’d actually get the fortune of witnessing this kind of reaction from Rick.

“Fuck no, I’m not okay.” Negan laughs. “I’m beat to shit right now. What about the others?”

Rick shakes his head. “They’re dead. All of ‘em.”

“Jesus shit.” Negan curses. “We fucked them up, huh?”

“ _You_ did.” Rick sits back. Negan can see the relief on his face so prominently that it makes his body ache more from guilt alone. “And you almost got yourself killed in the process. Dumbass.”

Negan tries to shrug, but immediately regrets it. “He was gonna kill you. I had to do something.”

Rick just rolls his eyes. “You’re supposed to be selfish, Negan.”

“Yeah, well,” Negan scoffs as he forces himself to sit up, but fails miserably, “I thought so, too. You’ve got yourself one hell of a fucking way with people, Rick.”

Eventually, Rick slips in to help Negan get upright. With some effort, he and Rick find themselves in the back room of the RV, where Negan can lie flat and be at least somewhat comfortable while Rick tries to put his injuries back together.

Negan can’t help but admire how clever and practical Rick’s makeshift braces are. He has to deconstruct one of the booth seats on the RV in order to do so, but after hacking away for half an hour or so, he returns to the back room with an armful of planks roughly eight inches in length. He affixes them around Negan’s injured arm with medical tape and a torn up shirt as a sling, and then stabilizes Negan’s injured leg with more chopped up boards and tape. After making Negan swallow down some ibuprofen, he sits back.

Negan isn’t one hundred percent put back together, but he’s definitely feeling like he’s on the mend. It’s all thanks to Rick.

Seemingly satisfied with the job, Rick sits back and glances down at Negan from his upright position. Now that Rick isn’t focused on Negan’s injuries, Negan gets a good glimpse at what this little skirmish did to the smaller man. Rick doesn’t appear to have any broken bones, but he is sporting some growing bruises on his face and arms and a few bloody scrapes running along the left side of his forehead and face. It looks like he got his head slammed into the ground at some point, and Negan wonders if it’s possible he has a concussion. He hisses at the sight, either way.

“Is this the part where we both take it easy?” He questions, and Rick rolls his eyes.

“I don’t think we’re gonna get attacked again,” Rick says, “but I said that before and look what happened today. Let’s get back to Alexandria. I’ve got one more drive in me.”

Negan chuckles. “Whatever you say, man. Just pull the fuck over if it gets to be too much. Hope you don’t mind that I’m not gonna get up and try to keep you company. Not moving at all sounds like a goddamn godsend right now.”

“No, you stay put.” Rick answers, almost too quickly. “You look like shit. I’ve got this.”

Negan just nods. He watches as Rick disappears through the doorway and out to the driver’s seat. Hears the RV start. Feels the vehicle shifting into gear.

And then it switches right back into park. The machine doesn’t stop running, but Negan can hear Rick’s footsteps drawing closer again. They grow louder until he comes to a stop at the doorway, and when Negan opens his eyes again, he sees that Rick is just standing there, watching him.

He looks pensive, almost distraught. Like his gut is twisting painfully or something. But his eyes never leave Negan. Even as he leans against the side of the doorway, he stares right at Negan. He’s thinking about Negan. Negan himself knows this much. His expression just oozes the question of ‘how did we get like this?’

He takes a few steps forward, up until he’s standing at the foot of the bed. His mouth falls open and he drags his tongue along his lower lip. He’s thinking deeply, and seeing him this way makes Negan a little nervous.

Negan isn’t sure what he’s expecting Rick to do, but when the other man crawls onto the bed and straddles Negan’s waist with his knees, he can honestly say that wasn’t something he was prepared for. Rick swallows, looks down at Negan, and then shakes his head and dips down.

The kiss is fleeting. Just a curious brush of Rick’s lips on Negan’s before he pulls back and looks down at the larger man again. Negan’s stomach is in his throat, and when those blue eyes meet his own, he knows he’s gaping like a fish out of water.

“This is crazy.” Rick whispers among a nervous exhale, before his hands find either side of Negan’s face and he kisses him for real this time.

Negan’s in pain. His arm and leg feel like they’re going to fall off any minute. But he still manages to bring both arms around Rick’s form, his uninjured one groping at the back of the smaller man’s shirt. When Rick’s lips part, Negan follows suit and tilts his head to sink further into the embrace. He’s got goosebumps, and his chest aches from the sheer perfection of this whole moment.

Rick doesn’t pull back. He catches his breath and dives right in. It’s slow and sweet, and meaningful in the way that Negan kissing his late wife would have been.

Negan’s not an overly-sentimental guy, but he does have his thoughts and feelings about things.  And right now, he feels like this moment has been long overdue, and that it’s perfect, and that his little crush on Rick is so much more. _Has_ been so much more for a long-ass time.

When Rick finally breaks off the kiss, he’s almost panting. He sits upright and glances down at Negan, dragging his tongue along his lips again. He looks shocked and awed all at the same time—like he wants to lean down and keep going. But his gaze seeks out Negan’s injured left arm.

“…We need to get you to a doctor.”

As Rick clambers off of him and starts back for the driver’s seat, Negan forces himself to sit back up a bit. He’s compelled to request the other man come back—insist that they’ve got plenty of time to figure out what the fuck just happened and maybe explore further into it.

But Rick looks like he needs the space, so Negan keeps his mouth shut in the end. He releases a long sigh and flops back over, cursing when he lands roughly enough to make his arm twinge painfully.

As unconsciousness bites back at the edges of his vision, Negan finds himself wondering what’s going to happen now.


End file.
